That Lazy No-Good Scalp

from Life, May 26, 1941

Oh, it seems so obvious in retrospect. Your scalp used to work so hard, doing – well, whatever a scalp does. Pushing out hairs. Tingling when you did your one hundred brushstrokes a day. It was the boss of your hair, telling it to look shiny and perky when you came near a mirror.

But now? It is LAZY. How do we know this? Because your hair is dull. Lifeless. And talk about hard to manage. Tell your hair to shape up, some mornings – and what does it do? Absolutely nothing. You can almost hear it saying “Um, I’m having a bad day! Leave me alone!”

Or perhaps that is you talking to your reflection. When you have a Bad Hair Day, it really is a Bad Scalp Day. Whatever is going on – it’s bad.

But your scalp just needs to wake up. You can’t yell at it or put a jangling alarm clock on like a hat (well, you can, but it will not work). And you can’t pour a cup of coffee over your head and think that’s going to help. It will drip down your face. And it will ruin the alarm clock.

Enter the Vitalator! It looks like a tiny cement mixer. It will make your whole head vibrate. Yes, how relaxing it will be for you to hold this heavy whirring thing up to your head.

Your scalp will not relax, though. It might think about starting to work again. Then again, it just might start looking for another job.

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