It’s good to go off for the day feeling that you are fine just as you are. But that won’t help the Leg Guys in Chicago* or the Nose People of Newark make any money, now, will it? And it’s 1930, the Depression is upon us – so you’d better go out right now and get these things. Then everyone will be happier. Guaranteed!
First we have some remarkably uncomfortable-sounding aluminum Leg Forms to conceal your bow legs or knock knees – for men only, of course. Don’t wear them when you’re trying to sneak into work late though, because people are going to hear you clanking from miles away.
And if you aren’t feeling enough self-esteem – wait! There’s more! You can also fix that nose of yours. You know you want to. The mysterious Anita Institute (Anita has her own building too) has a gorgeous Anita Nose Adjuster just for you to wear when you’re sleeping. It’s quick, safe and painless – unless you wear it during the day, in which case the pain will be felt by everyone who sees you, because it hurts when you laugh for a long time, doesn’t it? That might mean they need some kind of stomach medicine. You could probably sell them something to offset the cost of the Nose Adjuster and Leg Forms.
There’s another Nose Adjuster over here on my other blog, by the way.
[From Popular Mechanics, April 1930.]
*Three cheers for Chicago!! Yes, where else? Click on the tag “Retro Chicago” to see why it is the Capital of Kitsch and Retro!