But his old tweed suit is too demure –
A Gamebird hat from Dobbs is thus de rigeur
Splish splash, field and streamwards he will dash
The economy of fashion
Is an unforgiving passion -
Dobbs Loud Hat is a Town and Country steal
You will buy, you will buy, you will surely buy
Dobbs Loud Hat comes in Mallard, Grouse and Teal
Don’t ask why, don’t ask why, just go out and buy
They all know that it won’t be long
He counts his pennies
As he had oughter
And draws fedoras on his nice desk blotter -
The Dobbs are ready, they’re in the store
They’re $7.50, why not buy three or four?
Or special order them, you’ll look so fierce!
The Dobbs Hat will fit over your ears.
Dobbs Loud Hat makes a man look really silly
But he’ll buy, don’t ask why, it’s no use to try
Add a yellow Ascot, the excuse is being chilly,
And he’ll buy, by and by, ads would never lie…
[From Life, November 6, 1939; am also making fun of "King's Lead Hat" by Brian Eno, from the album Before and After Science (1977) - an old college favorite of mine. I didn't parody the whole thing because I didn't want to test anyone's patience too much!]