The Tinytone’s annoying noise
Its tintinabulating voice
Will magic in my pocket work
And drive my neighbors quite berserk
They cannot tell whence comes the din
That never needs to be plugged in.
So I will sit and think upon
Addressing envelopes for fun!
And profit too; if every schnook
Who sent for the instruction book
Thought to increase their income bracket
They’d set up their own dollar-booklet racket.
Then some big wise guy on the train
Says the Tinytone drives him insane
“Well,” says I, “I am still the king
Of noisy toys that buzz and ring!
My book about Police Jiu Jitsu
Will soon teach me just how to blitz you…”
This did not alleviate his distress
My own required a cold compress.
So I abandoned thoughts of violence
To write up orders for cheap nylons
I hope they will not run or snag
But if they do, pray do not nag:
Just send your disenchantment on
To the Kendix Corp. of Babylon.
[From Popular Science, December 1951.]