How Your Kids Can Have A Happier Halloween:
1. Use an excessive amount of shiny Scotch tape on Halloween mask.
2. Forget to attach an elastic cord to mask. Attempt to Scotch tape mask to head. Give up, removing tape (and some of your hair). Spend the evening holding it up to your face instead.
3. Realize that if you have to hold the mask like this, you won’t actually be able to hold a candy bag.
4. Further realize that even if you could use one hand to hold a candy bag, the other hand would not be able to hold large mask up to adequately cover face.
5. Now start to worry about how cats probably do not go around wearing blue and white polka-dotted shirts. This is what happens when you spend all your time Scotch taping together a fancy mask. But at least you did manage to make a cat tail.
6. However: tail is stuck on with last few bits of linty tape (having used it all on the mask). Worry about efficacy of Scotch tape holding cat tail to the back of your pants.
[From Life, October 20, 1961. Scotch is a slang term meaning to put an end to something, as in scotching a rumor - aside from its being a synonym for Scottish, somewhat disliked by the Scottish.]