Men are funny – you never know whether you’re making the right move or not. Avoid disappointment, heartbreak!
Yeah, men are funny all right. So you’d think that telling them a few jokes might be enticing. You’d be wrong, though. It’s way more complicated than that.
This guide to hunting them down is also funny:
It’s Easy to Win Him…When You Know How!
In other words, this is sort of the equivalent of the electric bow tie, for girls – how to score with the opposite sex, for only 98 cents.
But what precisely are we going to be learning, and what is the goal? Is the goal here:
(a) To Win Him (“easy when you know how!”) OR is it in fact
(b) To Get Along With Boys. As in plural boys. What precisely does getting along mean, huh? Resisting the impulse to scream at him for that sexist wisecrack he just made (men aren’t that funny, sometimes) – or, ahem, what used to be called putting out? Probably something in-between the two.
In any case, you will also learn:
How to Get Him To Date You
How to Make Him Enjoy Your Company
How To Have Personality
How Not to Offend Him
How To Keep Men Guessing
How To “Make Up” With Him
Doesn’t that sound like a constructive use of your time? Feminist consciousness will be lowered all over the place! Guaranteed. But at least there will be “No more clumsy mistakes for you.” Nice to know the author has such a high opinion of her readership. She must be related to Madame Beatrice.*
Yes, this book was actually written by a woman. Her name was Henrietta Rosenberg; she used the pseudonym Walter S. Keating (I have a few ideas about what the ‘S’ stood for). Masquerading as the bon-vivant Keating, Ms. Rosenberg wrote some other spicy titles in the 1940s and 1950s. These include Marriage Mischief, How To Write Love Letters, The Omnibus Of Pleasure, Sex Studies From Freud To Kinsey, and perhaps (in this context) most disturbingly, How To Get A Job In New York.
Thanks, but I’ll think I’ll try the Acme Employment Agency first.
*Of course, if you use Madame B’s Secret Voice, you won’t need this book, will you? That list of How Tos is a precise description of what Secret Voice does. So maybe you should just get a few flasks of that instead.
Thank you to Comic Book Ads for this gem. You can click the link for a very nice full-size version of this ad, and read all the incredible things you will be taught.