This is Madame Week on my blogs, I guess: there sits Madame Morrow, the wily Victorian fortune teller, over at the Dime Museum. And today we have, as a guest star over here, the lovely and equally wily Madame Beatrice, straight out of 1960.
Madame Beatrice has something fabulous for you today. Today and every day! Are you shy, left out, pushed to one side by some high-fashion sweet-talking lollapalooza of a floozy? Is she bewitching your guy?
Madame Beatrice understands. She’s been there, obviously: check out the brave smile, the Margaret Dumont iron matron vibe, the perky pearls. She’s duked it out, so to speak, with a bimbo or two in her day. And won.
Because Madame has a secret weapon. And that’s what she wants to sell to you. It is perfume that will actually speak for you. It is your “Secret Voice” and can say all the things you are too chicken to say. Can and will!
Hey, will you look at that loser flirting with all the girls? Is that him? That’s our boyfriend? Hmmm, I don’t know about this. Are you sure we want to get this one back? Because I’m not so sure.
Let’s use my Secret Voice and round up somebody new. Psst! You there, the cute guy in the corner. Come over here and talk to us. Now. I said, NOW. C’mon, move it, buster!
Please note that you will need “complete directions” on how to use Secret Voice perfume. Madame Beatrice thinks we’re not only shy and depressed, but really, really stupid. Don’t you feel much better now?
[Many thanks to Modern Mechanix for this one.]