The Soda Jerk

It’s back to school time (not quite yet for some of us, but soon enough) and here is a little retro homework tip for you all, from Ginger’s older brother:

1. Make friends with a giant bottle of Seven-Up. Tell it you like it. You can sense that it also likes you! (Maybe there is some bizarre dating opportunity in here, but let’s just leave that one alone for now).

2. Sit down together with your homework. Open up a few books and place them decoratively around the desk light. Try not to knock them over with your elbow.

3. Put your arm around the Seven-Up bottle and give it a smoldering look of desperation. Gosh, I thought you said you knew how to do long division (burp).

4. Realize that you have been transformed into an awkward line drawing with strangely proportioned arms and hands, and a tiny sunburned head. What in the world are they putting in Seven-Up these days?

5. Wait for the giant soda bottle to answer you. Read a few comic books while you are waiting.

6. Tell the teacher the next day that you couldn’t do the math homework because some strange Seven-Up bottle wandered into your room and spilled soda all over the desk.

7. Next day: see if Pepsi is any good at American history.

Thank you Janet at Found In Mom’s Basement, who found the ad at Community LiveJournal (link is on her page).

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26 thoughts on “The Soda Jerk

  1. At least this guy, unlike his kid brother Ginger, is pretty cute. I do like the graphics and color contrast of the green and orange/red. Thanks for the visit – and for noticing my new header! My blog was long overdue for some jazzing up.

  2. Haha! I bet there was some alcohol at the board meeting responsible for this ad. As always, your keen eye spotted the important details — two thumbs up!

  3. Eric – It always says that the answer to every math problem is – well, seven. That is its favorite number. Consequently, it is usually wrong.Beth – You make my day delightfully effervescent! :)Bill – There IS a strange nautical subtext here, but I am not sure what it means. I am thinking of a lame joke about him being all at sea but – no, must keep thinking.GoRetroGirl – I like the colors too. You are inspiring me to do a new header for KR, too!Patrick – Vodka and 7 Up, I suspect! And thank you :)

  4. Leeuna – The doughnut, you see, is his little after-school snack. But it isn't very good at academics, so it is just sitting there (cue doughnut/doughhead joke here)Amy – Yes, of course! This is the 50s male version of Alice (if it wasn't really late I would make some jokes, I sense them but am just too tired. Perhaps need some large bottle of soda to assist me)

  5. we had 7up ads in our grade school classroom in the 70's, tin placards rusty around the edges but never failing to make us kids super thirsty -and I'm a 7up drinker to this very day! When I drink pop, that is, which is pretty rare anymore.

  6. Tracy – I beg to differ! We both are pretty great at finding ads, I think (she said modestly hanging her head)wngl – That sounds more refreshing that the decor in our early-70s classroom!Doctor Faustroll – Well, absinthe makes the heart grow fonder!(not original, wish it was)

  7. The day I found all those vintage magazines at that estate sale was life changing. Even though my family cant stand them…lol…so yeah they are a bit moldy and they say whats that smell every time im reading them ….but geeze, get over it already :)

  8. You just know this poor kid had no choice but to be friends with the 7-Up. Sadly, it was so much like Wilson and Tom Hanks, just so so much creepier.

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