Buy this lucky ring and you too can be kissing someone inside a little heart, near a tiny bag of money. Also, a grizzled cowboy type will gesture at you in a threatening manner in the rays of the setting desert sun.
Sounds too good to resist, right?
This ring features a mysterious, “marvelously hued” Sun Stone. It is not made of a bit of the sun, but it symbolizes the sun’s magic power over wealth, health and happiness. I didn’t know it did all that. I guess more than the rain does, anyway. The rain just has the power to make people cranky, and their things wet and soggy. Actually, it might be fun to have a ring that captures that. You could wear one on each hand.
Anyway, this little stone symbolizes the sun. Not only that, but a pebble from my back yard symbolizes the Rocky Mountains and their mysterious power to draw celebrities in large unattractive sunglasses to pose in Aspen.
The ringmeister, Magnus (who Works in New York, apparently) knows a lot of “strange tales of lucky strikes, sudden good fortune in love, in games, and various undertakings.” I want to know exactly what sort of undertakings we’re talking about, Magnus. You wouldn’t happen to be Albertus Magnus, would you?
No, couldn’t be. I don’t think Albertus Magnus made cheap jewelry – though he did supposedly discover the philosopher’s stone. He also was supposed to have witnessed gold being made by transmutation. So maybe – just maybe – he had a hand in this. Somehow. Maybe. OK, probably not. He lived a thousand years or so before this ad came out, which is a problem. But you know that if there had been comic books and cheap magazines in the Middle Ages that this would have been totally up his alley.
And speaking of anachronisms…I also need to know what a “weird beautiful gold acid test ring” might be – and so do the Merry Pranksters and their friend Tom Wolfe. Perhaps that grizzled cowboy in the ad is really Neal Cassady. That would explain a few things.
Finally, let’s not forget that we need to be instructed on “how to know and wear” the Lucky Gems. Really, Magnus thinks we need a lesson in how to put on a ring? Can anyone be that unlucky? If so, I don’t think this is actually going to help all that much.
This is one of the many terrific ads scanned into Wikimedia by Infrogmation, from Art and Beauty Magazine (1926) – thank you, Infrogmation!