I am a married woman with a big problem. And his name is Waldo.
Waldo thinks he is some kind of Valentino clone and is constantly giving moody smouldering looks to other girls when we are out at nightclubs and parties. And as you can see from the enclosed photo-bubble, those little floozies are not exactly telling him to go fly a kite!
I have tried everything, Beauty Expert. I have dyed my hair the exact color of a corn muffin. I am a heavy makeup user. I am charming and refined in my celery velvet lounging pajamas. And not only am I gorgeous, but practical, too: I made them out of the boudoir curtains.
Tell me, what can I do to attract Waldo’s attention once and for all?
Signed, Miffed in Manhattan
My dear Miffed,
First of all, go straight out and buy a case of Palmolive soap. Then wash your face with it. Wash it a lot. That ought to impress him, as well as make a dent in the pancake makeup you have got going on there. I am sure you will both feel better when you’re down to the last layer – don’t you?
But you will probably need to follow this up with something a little less subtle.
So the next time you go to the Stork Club, and Waldo starts making eyes at that saucy minx at the next table – try throwing a bar of Palmolive at him (wrapped or unwrapped, that is up to you). Because not only is Palmolive full of oils that make your skin divinely soft, they are just the right size for a glancing blow.
That will make him notice you, all right!
Yours very truly,
A Beauty Expert
[From Ad Access, 1932]