Alice: Psst! Helen, there’s something I must speak to you about! Shhh! Over here.
Helen: Oh hello there, Alice, I didn’t see you there. You must have been lurking behind the canned vegetables. I see there’s a special this week on canned corn and -
Alice: Never mind all that! I must speak to you in confidence, dear…
Helen: It isn’t Grace Foster running off with the milkman again, is it?
Alice: Why no it’s -
Helen: Because I happen to know that you got that bit of juicy gossip from I Love Lucy. I was suspicious as soon as I realized that we don’t even know anybody named Grace. Or Foster!
Alice: Oh do shut up for one ever-loving minute, Helen! I must speak to you about GRAVY.
Helen: Gravy? What about it?
Alice: When was the last time you served up some delicious gravy?
Helen: Well, the youngsters, they love gravy. But – mostly I serve up those newfangled TV Dinners from Swanson. I’m a busy lady! I have things to do and – and things to do! Speaking of which, I really have to -
Alice: Helen, don’t let it be such a long time between roasts! Just buy some of this canned Franco-American gravy. Try it! Please! Your family will love it!
Helen: But -
Alice: Just put it in some nice big bowls and voila! Dinner is served! It’s even grand on bread for children’s snacks! Just look at the ad there – bottom line. That’s what it says. And also, it adds glamour to economy foods…I think. Maybe not glamour, precisely. It does add gravy though, I know that much.
[Pause for dramatic effect. Helen sees what is sticking out of Alice's purse and suddenly realizes why she is listing to one side.]
Helen: You just bought a job lot of canned gravy from somewhere, didn’t you?
Alice: I did not!
Helen: Just like the time Lucy and Ethel buy all the meat and try to sell it at the butcher’s out of an old baby carriage.
Alice: I never did!