Just look what Micro-Fluff has done for this man.
You too can have the same frozen look of utter loopiness, as you hold masses of nylon fibers that mimic velvet pile. And you will also start speaking and writing in capitals, which is fun for you if not for other people nearby.
Sounds terrific, right? So you need to know more – lots more. So let’s check out this incredible career opportunity. I think you stand around mostly, like this, holding the fluff. And later, when you’re a trained professional – you glue it to things.
Many, many things.
Even the name of the career skill is fun: Flok-Kraft. Pronounce it carefully, boys and girls! No need to giggle and smirk, if you do you might get that Micro-Fluff all over the “basement, garage, attic, service porch or even a card table in your bedroom.”
You will be working at home, you see, pasting fluff onto – um, things. You can line silverware drawers with it! Decorate lamps and lampshades! Recover women’s party shoes! Line the car trunk! Apply it to toys and other “new objects” thereby increasing their value 500%. Allegedly.
So rush your name and address to Niels Irwin and he will free you from “time clocks and nagging bosses” with masses of “the most amazing material you ever saw.” Maybe you’re supposed to cover the boss with it, too.
“Every neighborhood needs a FLOK-KRAFTER,” you see. Someone needs to velvetize things, right? Like phonograph turntables and wall plaques and instrument cases and…things.
I just know that Kathy the Artex Queen is related to Niels. He must be her dad! Her role model and inspiration. Eventually everyone in their town got involved in decorating things first with Micro-Fluff, then with Artex 20 years later when the velvet wore off. When they had finished covering everything in their town, they all moved on. People in the surrounding areas became afraid, then they too became FLOK-KRAFTERS (or Artexians). Steven King ought to write about this. Unless he’s busy up there in Maine – no, it couldn’t be…could it?