The Emperor’s New Zipper

An intriguing little sewing notion from 1967, is what we have here – the Lightning Zephyr, it’s called, which is more what you might want to call a train or – or a plane. Or something in the transportation line. Although it is not bad to have a zipper that works so – so quickly. Ahem.

A stuck zipper is the fastest route to a bad mood – so goes the Zen koan. Well, or so it would go if they had had zippers in Zen monasteries.


The most intriguing attribute of this zipper is that it remains when the rest of the garment has disappeared:”it will outlast the garment you put it in.” Imagine opening the closet door and seeing – instead of your nice sweater or dress or pants – a triumphant, though forlorn, Zephyr zipper depending from the hanger.

Furthermore, I do not think that one should ever forget a zipper. Sew it in and forget it? Bad idea.

It is good that it won’t “snag, or bite, or bulk.” After the vicious false teeth earlier this week, I certainly don’t want a zipper that bites and snags. It’s getting so it is dangerous just getting up and getting ready in the morning.

And whatever a zipper does when it bulks (a verb I have never come across before, though I do know what they mean) – that doesn’t sound too good either.

That must why it outlasts the clothes! It eats them and bulks up, as if on some sort of fabric-based steroid. And as for it not glaring – all bets are off now!! I think it may glare after all. Watch out when you open the closet door.

And now for something completely different…I don’t know where else to put this, so cue the non sequitur. You may have seen the NaNoWriMo widget over in the sidebar. Or not. Anyway, there it is – and if that sort of thing interests you, I wrote about it over on my other blog. And am too lazy to write something over here, it seems.

Kitchen Retro will carry on as usual in November, by the way – so the only difference will be the widget, and the caffeine levels in me. Which might prove interesting.

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4 thoughts on “The Emperor’s New Zipper

  1. Yes, you don’t want a bulking zipper. Especially if its a zip up sweatshirt and you are a lady. Instead of having one area where the sweatshirt zipper curves out because you have a bustline, the zipper would curve out several times like a roller coaster on the way up.

  2. Gosh, I didn’t know zippers were so contrary. Biting, snagging, tearing, glaring, bulking, and running amok…no wonder the Amish eschew them.

  3. Very funny post. I love the mental picture of the forlorn zipper hanging in the closet, ha!I’ve used these nylon zippers before, and they’re definitely an improvement over the chunky metal ones.

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