A Moody Colonial

For Vintage Thingies Thursday – a Vintage Thingie, with bonus (yet bogus) Colonial Hat.

Now see, if the sultry dame in the evening gown was in front of the sideboard, this would be an ad for Revlon makeup, or aqua satin ballgowns, or Final Net hairspray – a name which has always freaked me out. Doesn’t it sound like something Batman catches crooks in?

But she’s behind the thing, so it must be the Main Attraction. It is supposed to “capture a mood from the storied past.” Oh I see, like the Colonial past. Maybe what they meant to say was that it captures a hat from the storied past.

But it’s been “interpreted” in a modern style. Which means it doesn’t have a damn thing to do with the past, really! Martinsville just wants to have it both ways.

It is not a “wistful reminder of our Colonial heritage.” And neither is that dame!

She’s not exactly on her way to a DAR meeting in that getup.

And who left the hat there in the first place? Either Thomas Jefferson got stuck in a time machine and then left his hat behind in the future (he didn’t really like 1960) – or it’s Halloween and this lady’s husband is out trick-or-treating without his three-cornered headpiece.

And he needs it or else he won’t be scoring the kind of candy she’s clearly jonesing for. He’d better bring back a few mini Mars bars at least. She looks pretty cranky and that might cheer her up.

That – or a bottle of Scotch.

“A wistful reminder of our Colonial heritage” – well, they can’t mean the sideboard. That’s straight out of the 1950s. The hat….maybe they’re talking about the hat. But it doesn’t look a bit wistful. Stupid, yes. A stupid reminder of our Colonial past?

Doesn’t have the same ring, does it.