The Red Shoes

After a childhood of scaring myself with Hans Christian Andersen stories (and let’s not even get started with the perfectly-named Grimm Brothers, and their wicked stepfather Bruno Bettelheim), I am a little wary of this ad.

Red shoes that walk softly. Red shoes that walk around, seemingly, by themselves. They are the softest shoes that ever walked! They will walk right out of your closet, when you leave the house (perhaps you are too frightened to wear the gleaming scarlet shoes!) They go through your stuff and then they sneak away – very softly – no one notices that they are gone. Gone off to – I want to say “wreak havoc” but unfortunately I used this phrase yesterday. Gone off to menace the fashion world, perhaps. They will stomp on people’s feet, quite hard, in crowds. They will kick at subway passengers and start fights. They will tap dance at 3 am in hotel corridors when everyone is trying to get some sleep (I think they may have been at one of the places we stayed at last summer).

And if they are Hans Christian Andersen shoes they will mostly be dancing – always there is the dancing! They just can’t stop. Good thing you didn’t wear them after all! The girl in the story did, because she was vain, and things did not come to a nice, happy ending! Hans Christian did not like a happily-ever-after Disney ending, did he. The poor girl had to have her feet cut off and then she repented of her vanity, all right. (I’d just be sorry I went to the wrong kind of shoe store! I see a lawsuit in there, somewhere, in the 21st century version of the story).

After all that, the red shoes just kept on going, as if powered by Eveready batteries.

It is a terrible story, really! It was one of the ones I read a lot, couldn’t help reading, but it was tough to sleep after that. Not that I was wearing evil-minded red shoes, ever. I wore brown suede Hush Puppies and they did nothing except wear down at the heel after too much hopscotch.

But that is another matter….The ad. Back to the ad.

This ad shouts about how amazing, amazing, amazing these shoes are in every way. Tell me about it! I wouldn’t be crunching them in the toe, that’s for sure. You have to be polite to the Red Shoes. They are probably going to ask you some tricky questions. And possibly send you out to get them golden innersoles that are only available at a department store in Valhalla.

This ad is from the early 1950s, by the way.

The Sandwich Spread of the Nation

There were some pretty odd food shortages in the US during World War II – not the sort of items that would spring to mind when the topic came up. (Assuming that you are talking about this. I have not been but here’s the ad for today, what can I say?). I have got some other shortage ads that are rather startling, but they are for another day. One does not wish to be startled on a Sunday evening. One would like to sit on the back porch with a mystery novel, in fact…

So they were running low on Underwood Sandwich Spread, huh? My mother used to make sandwiches for me with this stuff in the 1960s. Unfortunately there was no shortage of it then. It would have to be spread pretty damn thin to make me grin, I can tell you that much.

I’ll be back tomorrow with something better. Promise. Am still a bit exhausted from the Sitemeter drama. Did it wreak havoc for you too?

The Sandwich Spread of the Nation

There were some pretty odd food shortages in the US during World War II – not the sort of items that would spring to mind when the topic came up. (Assuming that you are talking about this. I have not been but here’s the ad for today, what can I say?). I have got some other shortage ads that are rather startling, but they are for another day. One does not wish to be startled on a Sunday evening. One would like to sit on the back porch with a mystery novel, in fact…

So they were running low on Underwood Sandwich Spread, huh? My mother used to make sandwiches for me with this stuff in the 1960s. Unfortunately there was no shortage of it then. It would have to be spread pretty damn thin to make me grin, I can tell you that much.

I’ll be back tomorrow with something better. Promise. Am still a bit exhausted from the Sitemeter drama. Did it wreak havoc for you too?

Bon Ami Economy

What a happy day it is! I have learned a new and exciting way to clean the windows! Just put that cake of Bon Ami into my hand and watch me go.

OK, OK, I’ll let you in on the secret. Just promise me you won’t wear yourself out trying this on all the windows, not all at once. After all, this is the weekend. And we’re all supposed to be out having barbecues and lolling on deck chairs and drinking iced tea. (I am assuming that you have all had some waffles with cream sauce and bacon already – you have, right? Because summer time IS waffle time, as we all learned yesterday).

Anyhoo. Put a thin film of Bon Ami on that dirty window and then – here’s the really clever bit – wipe it off before it dries. And to think I was going to stand there watching the cleanser dry on the glass!

And if doing the windows does not make you super-happy enough, you can run out to the garage and do the car windshield, too. I’ll bet the model in the ad is going to do that. She’s raring to go.

The chick at the bottom is saying “hasn’t scratched yet!” Hmmm. OK. Is the chick referring to (a) itself, (b) the Bon Ami, or (c) the extremely happy lady?

Because the chick WILL be scratching, if only for snacks, that’s what chickens do! They must scratch, you know. It is in the chicken rules. The only reason it has not yet done so is that it just came out of the shell, duh.

The Bon Ami might scratch – I thought it was like Comet. They still make Comet, you know. My mother used to use that stuff on the bathtubs and sinks. It was green and abrasive and- well, scratchy.

As for the lady? I don’t whether she scratches. But just to be safe, if you do put your fingerprints all over the window – try and stay out of her way.

Advertisement from Ladies’ Home Journal, mid-1940s.

Bon Ami Economy

What a happy day it is! I have learned a new and exciting way to clean the windows! Just put that cake of Bon Ami into my hand and watch me go.

OK, OK, I’ll let you in on the secret. Just promise me you won’t wear yourself out trying this on all the windows, not all at once. After all, this is the weekend. And we’re all supposed to be out having barbecues and lolling on deck chairs and drinking iced tea. (I am assuming that you have all had some waffles with cream sauce and bacon already – you have, right? Because summer time IS waffle time, as we all learned yesterday).

Anyhoo. Put a thin film of Bon Ami on that dirty window and then – here’s the really clever bit – wipe it off before it dries. And to think I was going to stand there watching the cleanser dry on the glass!

And if doing the windows does not make you super-happy enough, you can run out to the garage and do the car windshield, too. I’ll bet the model in the ad is going to do that. She’s raring to go.

The chick at the bottom is saying “hasn’t scratched yet!” Hmmm. OK. Is the chick referring to (a) itself, (b) the Bon Ami, or (c) the extremely happy lady?

Because the chick WILL be scratching, if only for snacks, that’s what chickens do! They must scratch, you know. It is in the chicken rules. The only reason it has not yet done so is that it just came out of the shell, duh.

The Bon Ami might scratch - I thought it was like Comet. They still make Comet, you know. My mother used to use that stuff on the bathtubs and sinks. It was green and abrasive and- well, scratchy.

As for the lady? I don’t whether she scratches. But just to be safe, if you do put your fingerprints all over the window – try and stay out of her way.

Advertisement from Ladies’ Home Journal, mid-1940s.

Hot Waffles, Summer in the City

When I think of warm weather – which around these parts is a euphemism for really, really hot weather – I think about things like iced tea. And the air conditioning. And how the ice cream truck keeps playing “The Teddy Bears’ Picnic” over and over, can’t they find a new song?

But what does not spring to mind is a waffle.

According to Duff’s Waffle Mix, this is ridiculous. Who doesn’t think of a nice hot waffle zipping out of the waffle iron and onto your preheated plate in the middle of summer? In fact, you probably should be eating waffles three times a day. In the morning, certainly. That goes without saying. But then you can have a dinner waffle with bacon, tomato and “creamy rarebit sauce” (cheese sauce, that is, for the less-fanciful diner). And waffles with fruit salad, that could be dessert!

I am surprised that they did not suggest a waffle sandwich at midday. PB and J waffles. Tuna salad on a waffle! Waffleburgers at barbecues! Waffles waffles waffles!

Why not make an Eiffel Tower of waffles. A waffle Eiffel. And then say it five times fast.

Eat this many and you might feel awffle!

Ad is from the Ladies’ Home Journal, 1946. It occurs to me that the Bossy Griddle may be related to the Duffs. What is this obsession with people eating only one kind of breakfast food, forever?

Hot Waffles, Summer in the City

When I think of warm weather – which around these parts is a euphemism for really, really hot weather – I think about things like iced tea. And the air conditioning. And how the ice cream truck keeps playing “The Teddy Bears’ Picnic” over and over, can’t they find a new song?

But what does not spring to mind is a waffle.

According to Duff’s Waffle Mix, this is ridiculous. Who doesn’t think of a nice hot waffle zipping out of the waffle iron and onto your preheated plate in the middle of summer? In fact, you probably should be eating waffles three times a day. In the morning, certainly. That goes without saying. But then you can have a dinner waffle with bacon, tomato and “creamy rarebit sauce” (cheese sauce, that is, for the less-fanciful diner). And waffles with fruit salad, that could be dessert!

I am surprised that they did not suggest a waffle sandwich at midday. PB and J waffles. Tuna salad on a waffle! Waffleburgers at barbecues! Waffles waffles waffles!

Why not make an Eiffel Tower of waffles. A waffle Eiffel. And then say it five times fast.

Eat this many and you might feel awffle! 

Ad is from the Ladies’ Home Journal, 1946. It occurs to me that the Bossy Griddle may be related to the Duffs. What is this obsession with people eating only one kind of breakfast food, forever?