Because he must have had one, right? They never write about this kind of thing in epics, but really now – don’t tell me they didn’t have to stop and wash their hands or see a man about a dog or however they might put it. See a hobbit about an Orc? No, that’s no good.
Anyway, direct to you from the Dark Tower in beautiful downtown Mordor – a very rare and exclusive look, here at Kitchen Retro, at Sauron’s loo.
Dig that dark blue bathtub! And the movie-star lights on the mirror over the sink. Because Sauron has a little ego to spare, doesn’t he? Everyone was always talking about him. Whispering. Rumor-mongering. All they ever saw of him was that humongous eye. But there was more to him than that – or possibly less! We know that now, because here is proof. He was probably the Wizard of Oz’s cousin from Yonkers.*
That was all Victorian in there. The previous owners? They just let it go. Did absolutely nothing with it! Sauron got it all redone. I believe Saruman was the lead designer. He subcontracted out to some Orcs (who knew they could renovate so nicely?) That was actually Saruman’s secret ambition – that explains why he was in such a bad mood all the time in The Lord of the Rings. Being in the wrong career can be really stressful.
* By the way, this is nothing against Yonkers! I love Yonkers. I have distant cousins who lived there. It just had the right sound, that’s all. Anyone from Yonkers, let me know, we’re practically neighbours (or were, when I lived in NYC, that is).