How Do You Solve A Problem Like Samaria?

Daily British Whig, Kingston 1906 Samaria

How do you solve a problem like Samaria? You don’t. You let her solve a problem like you, mister!

Samaria is not pleased with you. She has got some tablets and they are going straight into your tea. Only you won’t know it. You are too distracted with your life of debauchery. And really, the drinking is only the tip of the proverbial iceberg, isn’t it? The nights out with the road company Floradora Girl wannabes. All that money spent on fine cigars and gold watchchains. And frankly, you do not pay Samaria the sort of attentions that she demands! Expects! Deserves! You have been lax and frivolous. You have forgotten how to serve and honor Samaria.

You have got it coming to you, all right.

Can you meet her steely eyes and say that you have been behaving yourself? Samaria laughs darkly at this. Just a little. A silent, mirthless sort of laugh. She fingers the little tin of tablets that lies deep in her pockets of doom.

And she even runs a business so that you too can partake of the glory of Samaria – at Jordan Chambers, Jordan Street, Toronto. But…wait! I – there IS no Jordan Street in Toronto…is there?

Advertisement from a 1906 Kingston Daily Whig  (Kingston, Ontario).

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6 thoughts on “How Do You Solve A Problem Like Samaria?

  1. Morphine or something similar. “He no longer goes out drinking, in fact, he can barely get out of his chair at all.”

    Samaria, as in the city of the Good Samaritan… heavy religious overtones. Or Samara, the creepy Japanese girl who climbs out of the television in the Ring movie.

  2. What joy! AA meetings become superfluous! Just dose the old sot up with The Samaria Remedy and be done with all your woes!

    (Don’t forget to get the Power of Attorney in place before you make him Comatose)

  3. This ad really caught my eye – it’s like something out of a Wilkie Collins novel (I’m thinking of Lydia Gwilt in Armadale, who was an incredibly wily villain – she would totally do this!)…

    You are all spot on, she is up to something all right.

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