False Plate Pretenses

Well, I suppose it is appropriate for Startling Detective magazine (this one is from 1964) to have startling ads. Get a load of this one! This place is offering to make new false teeth for you – BY MAIL – “using your own teeth.” Oh, I guess they mean my old chipped awful crummy old dentures, but they way they write the copy it sure sounds like they mean the originals, the ones I have got left in my mouth.

How exactly am I supposed to send them my own teeth?

Oh, I’d like to see them make a beautiful false plate with my own teeth. They might need the professional magic booklet (which is only 25 cents, such a bargain!) to pull that off. (Perhaps that is not the best phrase to use, it might give someone at West Dental Laboratories a really, really bad idea).

DuPont “Beauty Pink” does sound – interesting – though. Sounds more like plastic tableware than teeth. I guess the gums are Beauty Pink not the teeth. One can hope so, anyway.

So send those teeth in – or whatever you’ve got that’s toothy and fits in a packing box, really -  and “you will enjoy life again”! I can only imagine the enjoyment I will have with these precision-fitted new dentures of mine, which they are making in less than 24 hours.