What Do Windows Want?

1953 Woman's Day ads Window Shades

I didn’t know they cared about fashion. My windows don’t talk about it that much. Well, actually they don’t talk at all. But perhaps they yearn to look up-to-date and smart, like all the other windows.

And what they want are cloth shades from Joanna Western. We know this because Mrs. Agatha Schoenbrun knows what windows really want. She is like the Freud of windows! She listens and hears their innermost thoughts and desires. There she is, just standing over by the sofa. And we thought she was trying to figure out why we had a big basket of romaine lettuce on the side table. But she is listening to the window tell her how it longs to be the most fashionable window on the block. How the picture window across the street is showing off with new brocade drapes. And the feelings – well, of hostility that this stirs up.

Agatha has put a therapeutic Joanna Western shade on the window to shut the damn thing up.

Well, if I was a fashion-wise window, I think I’d see this cloth shade as pretty basic – the white T shirt of my wardrobe. I really, really don’t think it makes as much of a “dramatic” statement as Agatha and Joanna¬†want us to think, do you?

I tried to find out about Mrs. Schoenbrun the “famous decorating stylist,” to no avail. Did they make her up? Maybe they meant to say, famous decorating therapist. She looks more like a 1950s neo Freudian to me. And I know just what she has covering her office windows.

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4 thoughts on “What Do Windows Want?

  1. Mrs. Schoenbrun as a window whisperer. How cool is that? *g*

    What I want to know is what exactly do Viking blinds look like? Are they decorated with those funky helmets with horns? Longships? Enquiring minds who want to have well-decorated windows want to know!

  2. She looks like one of those retro gossip agony aunt columnists….hmm where can I get some of those groovy blinds?

  3. These shades are incredibly talented and versatile. Not only do they soothe savage windows, but they make rooms larger!!! Cancel that appointment with the contractor. Joanna Western has come to the rescue at a fraction of the cost. Fabulous!
    They also prevent sunburn, so I’m taking one to the beach next time. Say ‘hello’ if you see me. I should be easy to spot on the sands.

    I tried to find out more about Famous Agatha, too, but it seems that her fame only lives on through Kitchen Retro these days.

  4. Tori – Yes, she would have been writing self-help books for houses if she was around now.

    Amy – Maybe she thought the windows were writing her letters asking for help!

    Bill – I tried Googling her too, but as you say, I think she was only a legend in her own mind (and Joanna’s).

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