Keen Mr. Mustard

RD 1967 ads

Presenting the condiment that solves all your problems: Keen’s Hot Ready Prepared English Mustard – full of goodness and adjectives! It is also kind of redundant: if it’s ready, it must be prepared. And if it is prepared, therefore it is ready. Should be Kant’s Hot Ready Prepared Et Cetera, really.

Also, it is Keen and hot, which is not quite so┬áredundant,┬ásince Keen is the maker’s name. But still. Keen AND hot. This mustard is so exciting I’m surprised they can confine it to a jar.

Ms. Lambert, the Canadian Reader’s Digest household pundit, is bowled over by this stuff (or so she says). It has actually changed her whole life! “At last I can sit down at the table in peace” – no previous mustard was “nippy enough” and this was a huge, huge problem. But now that jar of Keen’s is hot-glued to the table, permanently coming between the salt and pepper…That doesn’t sound good for the salt and pepper though, having a nippy, zippy, huge yellow intruder sitting there like Big Bird in a bad mood.

So I really don’t know if this is going to solve ALL the problems at the dinner table.

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11 thoughts on “Keen Mr. Mustard

  1. Your comments are so funny! I’m beginning to think you are ‘not right’ in the head.

    Ann Marie sure is perky, with her flip do. I’d believe anything she told me. If she says that Keen Mustard has restored her peace of mind, then sign me up for two jars. I’ll glue one between the salt & pepper, and the other to my pantry shelf. I picture her moaning, wringing her hands, and gnashing her teeth before she tried Keen’s Hot Ready Prepared English Mustard. The name alone is quite a mouthful.

  2. Ok, I have to be the mustard nerd here. I love the stuff! I am addicted to Coleman’s and it really sucks that it’s not readily available here in the states. I have to seek out stores to find it. It is so amazingly hot!

    Anyway, that’s coming from a total mustard addict. It hasn’t saved my life, but it sure has improved my daily sandwich – especially considering the fact that the wondrous yellow concoction has almost no calories!

    French’s plain yellow mustard can’t compare with Colemans.

  3. You are all such terrific, funny writers – you take these posts to a new level (and I mean that in a very very excellent way!) -

    Ann Marie has plenty more to say about other things and like Arnold S., she’ll be back…

    Amy, you’re right, it IS “Mean Mr. Mustard” from the Abbey Road album. I seem to be having a Beatles week here. Inadvertently. The title is the result of bad punning and lack of inspiration…

    Actually I think we had some Keen’s in the 1980s, it was a powder and you mixed it with water to produce eye-stingingly, um, KEEN, mustard. The British element at our house loves it…

  4. Pingback: In the Hall of the Ry-King (Now With Extra Gravy!) « Kitchen Retro

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