Keen Mr. Mustard

Presenting the condiment that solves all your problems: Keen’s Hot Ready Prepared English Mustard – full of goodness and adjectives! It is also kind of redundant: if it’s ready, it must be prepared. And if it is prepared, therefore it is ready. Should be Kant’s Hot Ready Prepared Et Cetera, really.

Also, it is Keen and hot, which is not quite so redundant, since Keen is the maker’s name. But still. Keen AND hot. This mustard is so exciting I’m surprised they can confine it to a jar.

Ms. Lambert, the Canadian Reader’s Digest household pundit, is bowled over by this stuff (or so she says). It has actually changed her whole life! “At last I can sit down at the table in peace” – no previous mustard was “nippy enough” and this was a huge, huge problem. But now that jar of Keen’s is hot-glued to the table, permanently coming between the salt and pepper…That doesn’t sound good for the salt and pepper though, having a nippy, zippy, huge yellow intruder sitting there like Big Bird in a bad mood.

So I really don’t know if this is going to solve ALL the problems at the dinner table.