Nurse Jones Needs A Holiday

One of the many things that amuse me about old ads is the amount of time and space devoted to subjects and conditions that people supposedly were not talking about. And to be fair I guess they aren’t strictly talking in the ads. But oh my stars, the issues with PMS and underwear and constipation – one would think, after a study of old magazines, that there was little else in life to cope with – once one had sorted out the soap and meal requirements.

An endless round of fun for all!

So I am introducing a new category, “Retro Unmentionables”  (ironic, of course, because, the stuff has to be mentioned in order to sell it) – to cover these ads, some of which are incredibly funny and inventive. Oh, what am I saying, they all are pretty funny. And inventive.

It is Friday (I know you know that, we’re all keeping track pretty carefully of when it turns Friday) so let’s have a classic Unmentionable ad from the delightful British publication Woman’s Weekly. It is still being published, and you can get it here in Canada. There is usually a cover story about someone’s great NEW diet secret (smiling babe holding up enormous ex-trousers), surrounded by sidebars announcing articles about the richest darkest chocolate desserts EVER. And ten new deliciously extra-cheesy casseroles. It is just great.

But not as great as this! 

I – were you talking to me, Nurse Jones? Because I wasn’t the one who was asking…I – don’t really have any questions, you see. But thank you. I know you are glad that you are getting all those letters every week. And that you don’t discuss them with those male doctors or anything: “I shall open [the letter] myself, and deal with it myself.” Although you are talking to them in general about Tampax quite a lot. And to plenty of other people too – “specialists, matrons, and hundreds of women and girls.” That is a lot of talking! I guess it is quite an absorbing subject…No, ma’am, that wasn’t very funny at all. I am very sorry. It’s just that…

…could we please talk about something else now?

Maybe you should get out a little more. Read a few good books, take a nice walking holiday. I would think that after “three years’ association with Tampax” (good heavens!) - you could use one. You really should get out in the fresh air more. Hobbies are good, too. Have you thought about taking up, say, soap sculpture?

Oh wait – just before you go, I do have one quick question. I understand about getting Tampax at the chemist’s or a department store – but why at the draper’s? Anxiously awaiting your response.

[Note: I tried to make this ad a bit bigger, am still working on it. The next size up was a bit overwhelming!]