The Worst Craft Idea of 1945

The truth of the matter is that I was just cropping out a very lovely 1940s ad for Dorothy Gray cosmetics – very high-toned and sophisticated – when I noticed another ad on the same page. One of the tiny ads. And the tiny ads are where you do tend to find the more bizarre products and exhortations, which is one thing that I like about them.

But THIS ad takes the proverbial cake, don’t you think? “New” they may have been in 1945, but they were never “clever.”

Here we have the winner of the Worst Crochet Idea of 1945 and possibly of all time.

[NOTE: The right edge looks like that because that's how they microfilmed it, by the way. I do not approve of this, but it was microfilmed at least 25 years ago and I was not there to complain.]

The Culinary Waterloo

If you are a “Guardian Service Homemaker,” the above title would be in reference to pie-making.  I’ll bet you didn’t know that the pie business was quite so – serious. The final battle in the war that is wrangling a meal onto the table! The author of Guardian Service Tested Recipes (ca 1955), Betty Gay, writes a whole sidebar about this terrible pie problem, entitled “Now You Can Have Fresh Pies Without Lighting the Oven.” You are, of course, supposed to make them in a Guardian Kettle Oven, which actually does sound like fun. The picture above shows the noble Kettle Oven with some of its best friends.

She writes, “courage, dear ones, only remember to use these few tips, then flaky, tender crusts that melt in the mouth will be your proud triumph.” Betty is the Wellington of pastry chefs! Her sidebar instructions are pretty standard though – make sure the water is ice cold, add it a little at a time to the fat and flour, handle it carefully, chill it before you stick it in the Kettle Oven. Here is something that sounds quite good (minus the food coloring) that you can do with your triumphant crust:

GRAPE CHIFFON PIE

(1 9-inch pie or one dozen tarts)

1 1/2 Tb plain gelatin
1/4 cup cold water
1/4 lb marshmallows
2 cups grape juice
1 Tb lemon juice
Red food coloring
1 1/2 cups whipping cream
1 bunch Tokay grapes
1 baked pie shell

1. Soak gelatin in the 1/4 cup cold water. Place cup in boiling water to melt gelatin.
2. Place marshmallows and 1/3 cup grape juice in unit over low heat. Fold over and over until marshmallows are almost melted, remove from heat – add gelatin, continue folding until smooth, cool.
3. Add remaining grape juice, lemon juice, few drops food coloring, blend in one half of whipped cream. Chill. When beginning to congeal, pour into baked pastry shell.
4. After firm, spread with whipped cream. Arrange halved grapes cut down side to resemble cluster of grapes, cut angelica to form leaves and a stem, or use a real grape leaf. 

I really wish that they had called making Napoleons a Culinary Waterloo. The jokes would certainly turn out better, anyway.