No Apologies Accepted

This morning we were talking about good manners – let’s talk about bad manners this evening! I mean, really, really BAD manners. And I am not talking about poor old Bess. How about that Lucille, eh? There’s a whole little psychodrama going on in this comic-strip ad (from Chatelaine magazine, circa 1937):

Scene 1: Lucille sets up the backstory with “Has Bess let us down again?” Just how many times has Bess reneged on playing cards? Is she always using the same old excuse? It can’t always be that time of the month, you know. Bess needs some new excuses.

She also needs some new friends. Lucille is pretty scary. She’s right up there with the mother in the Lux stockings ad, and the Tussy fiends.

Scene 2: From poor, blond Bess’ point of view (this wouldn’t be Nancy Drew’s Bess Marvin, would it? she does seem like the meek type who might have this sort of problem). We can hear Lucille screeching from here. Go get some Midol, you loser, and make it snappy! Boy, what a peach. So sympathetic.

Maybe Lucille’s the one who needs the Midol. Or a tranqulizer of some kind.

Scene 3: Hot time in the city! Cards for four - I assume the blond head at the bottom belongs to Bess’s guy. Probably Lucille and Mr. Lucille have no other friends. I can believe that. Mr. Lucille says the girls can have some privacy while they “rustle refreshments.” (Oh, yuck!) And how does he know Bess has been dying to tell Lucille something?

Scene 4: Predictable ending: Bess is raving about Midol. Why, she’s never been so damn comfortable in her life! And Lucille smilingly confesses that she was “sunk regularly” until she started hitting up the Midol, too.

I’ll tell you something. If I was that Lucille, I’d watch my back. Being “sunk regularly” is the least of what she’s got coming to her.

Never Pour Gravy Without Permission

More etiquette tips, this time from a lovely book entitled Search Lights On Health, Light On Dark Corners (1894), which is a complete guide to all aspects of life, sold by subscription only in Toronto by the J.L. Nichols Company of 182 Spadina Avenue, Toronto. I’m just going to give you the more interesting rules, because you probably know about not drinking coffee from the saucer, and things like that.

A lot of these rules seem to concern gravy. I don’t know why.

- Never pour gravy on a plate without permission.

- Never put anything by force upon someone’s plate.

- If at dinner you are requested to help anyone to sauce or gravy, do not pour it over the meat or vegetables, but on one side of them.

- Should you, however, find yourself at a table where they have the old-fashioned steel forks, eat with your knife, as the others do, and do not let it be seen that you have any objection to doing so.

- Don’t attempt to talk with a full mouth. One thing at a time is as much as any man can do well.

- Should you be so unfortunate as to overturn or to break anything, you would make no apology. You might let your regret appear in your face, but it would not be proper to put it into words.

I can imagine the accidents that will happen if you force someone to accept a lot of gravy, and they do not want it, and then you become upset that steel forks are being used. But once the gravy disaster occurs, just look regretful! Don’t say anything! Indeed:

- If an accident of any kind soever should occur during dinner, the cause being who or what it may, you should not seem to note it.

No matter how much gravy is involved.